Pappa

Here I sat with my fingers on the keyboard of my computer, ready to type down a title, appropriate for this post, and while I waited for the right one to surface, this one did and millions of moments flashed in front of me like a movie! Mr Rajan Robert, A simple man, A man with a personality and a voice that couldn't be missed, who would stand out even in a crowd. In the year 2003 Pappa took a step of faith and promised God, Mummy, his children and himself that he would change and no longer will give in, to the habit of alcoholism. He took that step and remained true to his God, to mummy, us and himself even to the point that he would groan at nights for many days as his body craved for alcohol but he did not give in, he continued to walk in faith and drew closer to Jesus. From December 2003 till June 2013 he lived a life of faith, He became a person we could look upto. We would go to church together and worship together which made such a difference. so many memories flash in my mind like a live movie. even now, as i type these words, theres so much I want to and very little that i can express... Thank God for technology! through skype chats we could see each other a few times and could speak on phone almost everyday. Maa and Paa saw their grand daughter grow and develop, they would talk to her, pappa would sing for her...there were a few moments where we would sit back and not say anything and just look at each other...i always wished i could hug pappa and mummy :) on 30th June, early morning, I recieved a phone call from my brother Kunal...my life had changed...my pappa had left us...his voice said "pappa has gone to be with Jesus" it was 5am and I was still sleepy...i didn't want this to be true...no it can't be true...however...it was. I was numb...my 30 years spent with him and 3 years in UK spent listening to his voice flashed before my eyes... I had never imagined paa without maa and maa without him...they just completed 48 years of marraige and in two years We wanted to celebrate their 50 years of togetherness... yes..lives change in minutes...most of the time we don't know whats around the corner...but we have been blessed with today, make the most of it, hug someone if you have to, say sorry to your brother if you think you need to, say that I love you to your parents even if you think they don't deserve it...today is all we have. On 1st of July 2013 I skyped to say bye to my Paa, it was the most painful skype of my life, but I was there for his funeral virtually...later we boarded the plane to India, Grace Shifa's 1st visit to India I was happy and sad and in pain...I sighed "i wish Nanaji could hold you" since Grace was born, the photographer in me was born too and that was one picture that i so wanted to click..but yes i did click one of them interacting on skype. We landed in Mumbai...then in an hour we were in Nagpur and my Nagpur was not the same.. We reached home and I hugged mummy and I felt that pappa would walk into the lounge any minute or he would walk up the stairs. the reality was that he was not there. we visited his grave...it was so unreal... We don't picture or imagine these things but are bitter realities...oh how i wanted to wake up from this bad dream and know that all was well...

 As Maa, Kunal and I went through this phase, along with my sister in law Shivangi, our church family in Nagpur, pastor Chris and others stood with mummy when we had not even reached and mummy was alone, kunal's friends, my close friend since we were in nursery, Tanushri stood with mummy,  my amazing daughter Grace Shifa (2 yrs n 2 months) Prashant who was not present physically but prayed and encouraged and my Masis stood with us and were and came to Nagpur my Cousin (brother) Nehal specially came for us, Rinku (Bhupendar) a very old friend who now lives in Mumbai specially came to see me travelled for so many hours and went back the next day, Abhijeet who was there since 4th of July till they packed down the house and is still in touch with mummy and many members of our family and friends stood with us. (I might have missed naming them but I am grateful) It was emotionally draining but we had an incredible support...people I thought would never turn up came and helped us so much day in and day out and people i thought would come and meet mummy did not...thankful for each and everyone...

 Pappa lives, we keep him alive in our conversation and photos...i still hear his voice...when i think of him his smiling face i see... love u paa

The Comeback!

As the title suggests, this post is my return to the world of writing, I have always loved to write and I love to remain old school and write on a paper with a nice black ink pen, however, I wanted to brave myself into joining the world of 'blogging' which I did but lack of consistency and devoting all my time to my precious new baby gave me few more excuses and I continued to procrastinate. Last few months changed several things in my life and gave me many more reasons to be thankful for, a million reasons to pray for and a few but painful reasons to be sad about.

There's a continuous overflow of subjects that keep rushing through my mind, ready to be caught and written down, I think, in those many months that I chose not to write or type down, i have lost hundreds of  thoughts that I thought were important to be written down, and maybe shared as an encouragement or a lesson learned.

I would like to dedicate this post to the amazing gift that has been given to us 'the power of choice' we are the ones who make a choice to capture the moment and make it special or let the moment just pass as if it were meaningless and to  'the power of expression', which gives us an immense power to take the moment and capture it beautifully, and make it a tool to encourage someone, teach someone, correct someone or just bless someone, I believe that in doing so we inspire and energize our own selves.

I am so thankful that I got a chance to return to one of the many things I love to do.

The New Me

As a little girl I loved to play with dolls, as most of the little girls do. I would become their mum and care for them and feed them, I would also make them sit in a row and teach them, songs and spellings and many other things, I have experienced this, that when God creates a woman, He designs them to care and love in a very special way.

While I was growing up, in my teenage years I saw, read and heard that though India is getting modern, and even daughters are loved, there are areas where they are unwanted and so either they are aborted, killed before they are born or discarded as if they are unwanted garbage or sold where they are used and abused every single day. though I always wanted to experience giving birth, I decided that I will also adopt a girl and with God's wisdom and provision I will bring up a life that is not wanted by anyone else.

after four and a half years of our marriage I was pregnant, every single day and every single moment of my pregnancy I experienced so much, I felt so responsible and as the child grew in me it felt so real and so special, I was bringing forth life. when we went for tests and check ups, we heard the heart beat of the life in me, I would be overwhelmed and would have a lump in my throat, tear in my eye and a smile on my face. when the baby was few months old in me, I felt the kicks and the nudges, this person was telling me, ''I am in here'' ''I can hear you'' Wow!! what a beautiful experience! I would forget about the morning sickness and backaches !!

On 12th of May 2011 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! It was tiring and somewhat painful but when she was given in my arms, and I looked at her, believe me it was the most beautiful sight and the 'New Me' was born a mum was born that day, every single day is an experience, she has brought me joy untold, a very beautiful blessing! having her has fanned the flame for me to adopt children bring them in our lives and impart what God has blessed us with.

I wish there was a 'Delete' button for pain and suffering...

There has always been pain and suffering in this world...every Country, every City, Every Village ...when we in our cozy homes, sit and complain for the little that we lack... yes we must have gone through much, through the years...but there is so much need in the world...when I look at my own self I don't like to complain because my pain is not greater than the one living in a slum in some city...or my pains are nothing compared to that girl trapped in a brothel for many years...who has been silenced...for some one else's profit... I read a survey that said that, an estimated 27 million people are enslaved...and the overwhelming majority of those trafficked into slavery are women and children...and an average age of a victim is 14...this is just one example... Isaiah 61: 1 says -

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,

because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted...
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners...

Again and again, God reminds me that its not about me...but about those out there...we travel in public transports...we cannot even imagine what, the stranger next to us is going through...and I believe that's the reason why we are called, to spread his love, through whatever little we can contribute, in our own unique way..